The only good thing

about my family living far away is the excitement when they visit. Their plane just landed, and they're on the way! I wish I could keep the house clean for more than 37 seconds, but oh well --

Week in Review

Well, it might have been more fun to be in London this week -- though not at Michael's meetings -- but my four-night solo gig with the girls went just fine. Of course, I am very lucky to have had a couple hours of babysitting each day to allow me to run a few errands and get to yoga, but even the nighttimes weren't too bad. Of course I can do this. It's just that it's not nearly as much fun without my husband -- we sort of chose to get into this together, you know? Tonight marks his return, and I'm already tracking his flight on the Virgin Atlantic website. I hope he is resting and rocking out to some tunes on his new iPod shuffle. Just a couple more hours, and then we'll celebrate with a pizza, a couple of welcome-home gifts, and hopefully a good night's sleep all around.

The Sleeper

Lucy likes her sleep! Lately she has been sleeping in -- or sometimes taking jumbo naps -- and she looks like the happiest little clam doing it. It's funny, though, because she doesn't particularly like going to sleep. One difficult element of two kids, 13 months apart is sleeping -- especially since ours share a room. We bathe the girls together, but then they have their own separate go-to-sleep routines, Josephine in her toddler bed and Lucy in our arms. So Lucy hasn't learned to fall asleep on her own yet. And there's not a great way to do this, as far as I can tell. I'm not a believer in crying it out, and it wouldn't work anyway, since Josephine would be trying to go to sleep in the same room. What to do, what to do?

I'm thinking of this as my husband is getting ready for a 5-day trip abroad, and I'll be solo for bedtime routine. I would prefer for one of us to sleep in her own bed, but how will I make that happen with two babies, two bedtime routines, and only one me?

Double duty

It's cute, yes. But really I just find it easier. That is, dressing the girls in matching -- or similar -- outfits. In terms of shopping, I just have to pick out one outfit and get it in two sizes. Then, when they're running around naked like little banshees, I don't have to think twice about what they should wear. Oh, and it makes it easier to keep the drawers organized, too! So it's not really that I'm so clever and matchy-matchy. I'm just lazy.

I am still tired.

I've been tired since I was nine months pregnant with my now two-year-old. I was still teaching at Arts High in Newark, struggling to keep comfortable in a school with no air conditioning and an elevator that required a key (that I didn't have). I walked laps in the hallway on my preps to stay active. That seems like it was a very long time ago. Since then, I've become a mom for the first time, found out I was pregnant again when I had a three-and-a-half month old, become a mom for the second time, and juggled a toddler and an infant for over a year. Okay, so I guess I should be tired.

For me, this has been the downside of having children later in life. No regrets, for sure, but I wish I had my twenty-nine year old energy right about now. I just can't catch up. As soon as we have a night or two of everyone sleeping through the night, we have three of no one sleeping through the night -- of everyone sleeping somewhere other than where they originally went to bed. Of sleeping in the armchair. (Which, by the way, I find almost as comfortable as our Tempurpedic.) I am pretty good at waking up quickly and jumping into action, but you can only do that so many times before you start just spacing out during the day...

Yes, yes. This too, shall pass, and then I'll long for when the girls were little and wanted to cuddle and sleep with me.

Yoga meets you where you are

is my mantra. And really, I keep saying it over and over to myself. I'm trying to believe it. In just a couple of weeks, I'm starting the yoga teacher training program at Shakti Yoga. I'm really excited about deepening my practice and learning how to share it with others. I see lots of potential applications for it: teaching bigger people (you know -- folks (like me) who are intimidated or turned off or not accommodated by the perfect-body yogis), teaching people with chronic pain, teaching inner city kids who need a stress relief tool to help them succeed in school and the life beyond, working with moms-to-be. A lot of people feel like they aren't welcome in yoga or don't know how to approach it, and I'd like to change that.

But here I am, having trouble believing my own mantra. My body hurts from my rheumatoid arthritis, and I can't quite see how I will be able to practice or teach since I can't bend my knees or move my ankles or flex my wrists. I wonder what the others will think of me and my big, stiff, inflexible body. I don't want to be a curiosity or that poor woman who can't move. Yak. It isn't a competitive thing; I just wonder what it would be like to be another kind. It's the point -- I know. Yoga will meet me where I am when I move with the breath, when I breathe in and let my om join the sound of the universe. Maybe I should shut up and roll out my mat.

Surfacing...

It is hard to be away for a long time. So I'm coming back.

Happy Birthday, Dr. King

Thinking of you today reminds me of why I became a teacher, and thinking of tomorrow's historic inauguration of Barack Obama reminds me that (some) progress (even a little) is being made every day.

It's amazing to me that your day is still one of those sort-of holidays. Congress originally enacted the day as a day of service, but many companies don't recognize this day at all. Oh, and then there's Arizona -- the state that didn't want to recognize Dr. King. This day should be returned to its original dual purpose: to honor a man who gave of himself to change this country and to encourage all of us to do something too. Our President-elect has called for this spirit of volunteerism to be renewed today, and many can't participate because they work for companies that think their business is too important to take a break for a day.

Since my job at the moment is to care for my two babies, I can't be out painting a school or picking up trash at a park. I will spend some of today, however, working on the volunteer project I've had for many years now -- reading the writing of inmates at a state prison and (hopefully) encouraging them to enact progress and change in their own lives. What will you be doing?

We've opened our society to people of color and ensured that their civil rights are secure. This doesn't mean, though, that racism is a thing of the past. I'm sure Dr. King would acknowledge how much more work there is to do. Think of all the snide remarks you hear -- I'm still shocked at how common it is, actually. People who fancy themselves educated who still don't think of people who look different as their equals. I'm lucky I grew up with different values (better, I'd argue) that didn't allow that sort of prejudicial talk -- or, more importantly, think.

So what to do? Be the change you want to see. Go on now!

Dear Phone Gods,

Where is the f#*&*@g old cell phone that Josephine wants? I can't find it, and I've looked in what seem to be to be all the obvious locations in this dump of a house. She's in her crib, but won't settle down until she has this old phone. It's funny -- she liked it for a long time when she was younger, but then she wasn't interested in it at all for a long time. UNTIL someone let her take it to bed with her a few nights ago. And now she won't nap without it? Oh, if only you understood how we have struggled for regular sleep habits with this dear baby. Toys are not good sleep buddies. You must know that. That's why we invested in the Lamby as transitional object -- as a sleep symbol the baby could understand, if you will. Well, now she's been crying for over an hour for the broken down old cell phone she loves again as a toy. She must be awaiting a very important call. Someone will have to take a message.

As if I didn't have enough going on with two under two

We're having our kitchen renovated. Can you say dust, noise, money pit -- NIGHTMARE!?!? Two crying, pooping, hardly-sleeping babies just wasn't enough for me.

Yesterday was day 1, and it actually went better than I expected. We've set up a makeshift kitchen in the dining room, and we're counting on frozen foods, takeout, and the kindness of strangers for the next three weeks. Last night, we actually had homemade vegan chili that I'd made over the weekend. I have a few more meals like that stashed in the fridge, but after that I'll be phoning it in.

We have a carpenter who seems very understanding of the small children situation, and he not only does his best to clean up, but he even takes a few minutes to chat with the babies so they aren't freaked out by him. Nice, huh? There really isn't a good way to get these things done, but it doesn't help to have creepy people around. And now? Amidst demo, both babies are asleep, the little one in her bassinet and the big one on the floor of her room with her giant plush puppy. Was it the noise? I hardly ever get this lucky without reno!